Thursday, January 9, 2014

Women, Right Fellas?

I had always considered myself to be respectful of women. Even as a kid, although I didn't appreciate my misunderstanding of feminism (that women are superior to men), I was convinced that men and women should be equal, etc etc.

So imagine my surprise when, looking back at my life, I discovered that I didn't have as much respect for them as I thought I did.

It was never to the point of sincere "go back to the kitchen" levels, but suffice to say that I'm ashamed of my mindset of only a few years ago.

I think this is a common problem among men, too. One which comes back to a common cause: bitterness.

It doesn't take much for a man to start blaming women for their loneliness. A rejection here, a ad break-up there, and soon it's all their fault. Perhaps it's the same for women, too, but I can't speak to that.

In my case, there were at least a couple of girls I was interested in that rejected me. In my mind, they were being ridiculous. In fact, they were being honest, and in hindsight I should have simply respected their decisions. (Especially when you consider that, looking back, I completely agree with them that we would not have made good couples.) It's a lot like my current stance on disagreements regarding politics or religion: just because we disagree doesn't mean you're dumb. It's difficult to keep that in mind sometimes, but it's true: in love, religion, and politics, respect is key to understanding.

Luckily, my capacity for bitterness is not very wide, so my bitterness never grew to encompass all women. I couldn't even remain bitter about the women who rejected me for very long.

However, I still see lots of bitterness in some of my lonelier friends, and I hate to think about where that bitterness might lead them.

Unfortunately, I don't have a solution to their loneliness problem. It's frankly insulting to suggest that if you say and do the right things in the right order then women will suddenly take an interest in you. My best advice in that regard is simply to be yourself and accept that maybe that will lead to a relationship and maybe it won't, and to be content with whatever happens.

And look out for bitterness. Nothing good will come of it.

1 comment:

  1. A couple of my friends, who are certainly far outside the mainstream, have found OKCupid a pretty good resource for finding like-minded people they actually have a chance of connecting with.