Relationship Advice 2016: Maintaining a Relationship

I'm currently on my fourth year of my only (so far) successful relationship, so any advice I give regarding maintaining a relationship should be taken with the knowledge that I'm working from a lack of long-term data.

This advice is also predicated on the understanding that your relationship is with a reasonable, non-abusive partner. If you're in a toxic relationship, your goal should probably be escape, not maintenance.

That said, as far as I can tell, relationship maintenance comes down to three basic concepts: communication, forgiveness, and gestures. I assure you that none of what I'm about to say is ground-breaking.

Relationship Advice 2016: Finding Someone

Given the date, relationship advice seems like an appropriate topic. So, I'll offer what little advice I can on the matter. After all, I've only been in my current relationship for three years or so, and I imagine my advice will evolve over the course of the next ten, twenty, or forty years.

This advice is going to assume that you're either seeking or want to maintain a long-term, stable relationship. If you enjoy the single lifestyle or polyamory, that's cool but I have no advice for you.

I'm going to break this into two distinct parts: finding a relationship and maintaining a relationship. I'll try to keep things gender-neutral so that this advice can apply to anyone.

Staying Calm - Tips from a Professional

Not long ago someone asked how they could be "calm and serene" like me. I responded as truthfully as I could at the time, giving a sort of non-answer. "I'm not as calm as I look," I explained. "What calmness I have is my own, and I don't know if it's something I can teach."

That said, it's something I've been thinking about, so I'll try to explain my thought process. I still don't know if my demeanor is mostly environmental or if it's genetic predisposition, and usually calmness isn't something I have to think about at all. However, I'll try to convey what I think about when I actually take the time to do so.

How to Be Likable, Part 2 of 2

In my last post I started talking about some general advice I have for people who are interested in being likable. I talked about the trust earned from being perceived as a hard worker, the perils of complaining, not making people feel bad, and how gossip is a minefield. Today I'm going to conclude this two-part blog post by talking about things like being generally pleasant, self-deprecation, and more, including a secret weapon when all else fails.

How to Be Likable, Part 1 of 2

Somehow or another I seem to be a well-liked person. Or, at least, that's the impression I get. Through a bit of self-examination I've compiled a list of traits that seem to have helped me in this regard. It certainly doesn't help in every situation (I know a few people who don't like me for whatever reason), but I'm going to assume that for the most part the things people don't like about me are traits I have beyond the ones I'm mentioning here.

The "Be Yourself" Fallacy

One of the most common pieces of advice I hear for most any situation is to "just be yourself."

There's something to that advice, but like any phrase that begins with "just" it's never as simple as people make it out to be, and I think it's irresponsible to assume it has universal application.